Sure, I probably could have kept writing beyond 600 words, but I had to keep it consisce. Luckily, of the 3 topics they gave me for the assessment, I could talk about 1 of them without having to do any research. I got the job, but 5 articles a month was too much pressure for me to handle. I knew I would have to start doing my research, going forward. So, I chose to blog instead. Here is something similar to what I wrote them:
How to Potty Train Your Toddler in 5 Steps
As a parent, we all experience the joys of child-rearing. What with the giggles and the oohing and the ahhing. But, there is also the dread. Will little Tommy be smart? Will he be athletic? Will he go to a good college and become something great?
But before little Tommy can do all of those things, he must learn to pee in the toilet! As a parent so confused about the whole process, I attended a Potty Training Course! As such, I can inform you of what I learned from my experience. Some of it might work for you. None of it might work for you. Little Tommy might just walk over to the toilet one day and shoot a hole-in-one into that Cheerio and all your worries are over! More on the Cheerios later...
Step 1:
Reserve a weekend, preferably a long weekend, as this is gonna take ALL day and 100% of your attention. You will be spending each day with your toddler and a potty, with the remote hope that he might use it! How, you say? Well, let's start with the diaper off! Run, little Tommy! Play with your toys on the carpet, bare bum. Just let me know if you think you have to go potty! And boy, did I keep that potty close. Wherever my son was playing, that potty was less than an inch away from his feet. Heads up: if you have anyone in the family who gets queasy about bathroom talk, make sure that they are not around for this experience. Especially, grandparents. Cuz all they remember is, "Back in my day, you just went to the bathroom...why is my grandchild running around bottomless?!"
Step 2
I can see that I am going to go over my 300 word limit very easily this time, but I want to make sure that I explain this step very well. Ask the child if they would like to try sitting on the potty. This will have one of two reactions..."NO! I hate the potty!" Perhaps, they might even kick it away. This is your indication that potty training might take more like 3 years rather than 3 days. But, hey, the course said 3 days, so let's see...the other reaction might be, "Sure! I love the potty!" And, suddenly, there is a circle of toys all around the potty. Tea time is held, with the potty being the guest of honor. Meals are now being eaten at the potty. You get the problem with this, right?
Step 3
Once the child finally realizes that the potty is not a new piece of furniture in the living room (although, it was for us!), they might attempt to actually make a pee in the potty, rather than use it as a chair to play on. It is important to explain why the potty is there and what it is to be used for. If they pee while playing toys on the potty, you have failed as a parent! Just joking, but seriously. They need to understand that the potty is for relieving bodily functions and that playing is separate. Eventually this potty will end up in the bathroom, so playing in the bathroom is not only unsanitary but also just bad parenting. A book, however, works great for poo poo time!
Step 4
We are getting there...I don't even think I am going to get to the poos in this blog. I will leave it to you to figure out! Now, Step 4 might very well be the most important step. When they finally do go pee pee in the potty, you applaud them! You can do a little dance. You can sing a little song. Our household favorite was the Conga line: "He pee peed in the pottay! Pee peed in the pottay!" You get it. For those moms with weak stomachs, maybe have hubby dump out the pee, or vice versa! But, this is the first step (and yes, I realize that we are already on Step 4), towards that road to college. Once the child realizes that he doesn't have to pee in his diaper anymore, he can start wearing undies (maybe disposable, at first), get some big boy pants, and feel confident in entering the next stage of his life! Now, don't get me wrong. This step requires patience. You might not even get the kid to sit down on the potty this weekend. Keep trying! Even a trickle of pee is something. Some of my houseguests suggested that the potty remain in the bathroom. "Why out in the living room where everyone can see him pee?" they asked with disgust. Because, you need it close when there is no diaper being worn. When they gotta go, they gotta go! Do you really think they will hold it until they reach the bathroom? With no loin cloth on to catch any drips?? Eventually, you will be able to move it to the bathroom, as the kids learns to control his urges. It is a big change from going whenever you like in a diaper! Think of it the opposite way: What if you had to go back to peeing in a diaper, as an adult? It would take some time, right? To pee freely, wherever you are? We are doing the opposite here and the important thing is to not instill shame. Any time they want to try to sit on the potty, let them try. Whether potties are needed in every room of the house, let them have access to this new security blanket. Because, I forgot to mention - once the diapers come off, they can NEVER go back on!! You will be resetting all the hard work you did this weekend. And, if accidents happen, have them help you clean it up. That will be enough incentive to have them not wanna pee on the floor again! But, do not show disappointment. Accidents will happen. They will be playing and they will forget. You job is to remind them. Yes, mommies and daddies, this is the stage in parenting when we develop psychic abilities and the consistent question, "Do you have to pee?" is endlessly at the tip of your tongue.
Step 5
Finally made it through my first blog! We are done, yay! This one is optional. A To-Do list item, if you will. It is called Night Training. I had to put it in here, and replace it with the poo step because, as hilarious as the poo step is, the Night Training is even more ridiculous! Ok, are you ready? When you think your child is ready to sleep with no diaper at night, first make sure the rubber sheets aren't packed! What you will have to do is limit their water or fluid intake before bed. If they are thirsty, I believe the class mentioned using a medicine cup so that you can estimate exactly what went in before bed and what should be coming out within the next 8-10 hours...
I need a new paragraph for this, it is so wild! You go into their room in the middle of the night. Okay, this is starting to sound creepy. But, I am serious - mommas who are already overexhausted or daddies who have to get up for work in the morning (or both momma and daddy), go into their room, pick them up (oh, I think it is easier if you sleep them bottomless, of course!) and place them gently on the potty. The potty is surely in their room, right? If not, return to Step 4! So, this just sounded way too stealth for me. I did not follow this step, myself. I kept my kid in diapers at night for a year before I realized that he never pees at night. So, the idea of this night training was for kids who are gonna wet the bed. Therefore, the ingrained feeling of sitting on the potty should automatically make them want to pee at whatever arbitrary middle-of-the-night time you chose to sneak into their room and force them to pee in the potty, which is, of course, on the carpeted floor of their room...all without waking them up!!!
Never gonna happen for me. Maybe that is why my kid can hold his bladder for over 8 hours now? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this blog. I gotta go get ready for my real job now. That writing company did mention to keep the sentences short. I hope my variation wasn't too run on for you.
Final thoughts: Good luck and please, please don't be one of those parents that keeps pee sitting in the potty for hours so that when guests come over they have to know the colour of our kid's pee. Just wait until the poos in the potty happen! Oh, and I forgot the Cheerios story. When they get confident enough to use the toilet, you can buy cheap toilet seat attachments so that they feel safer on our big, adult toilets. Most have handles to hold onto and some can be folded up and traveled with. Should I do my Walmart plug now? As for the Cheerios, when you have a boy, the trick to get then to pee standing up was to throw a Cheerio in the toilet and ask them to aim for that. Ew...food in the toilet? Never tried it. Thank you and good day!
